Mom and Me

My earliest memory is of sitting on my mother’s lap. We are riding in the car (this is before car seats and seat belts!) and it is raining. I am reaching up to grasp the wipers as they move back and forth. My mother is gently laughing at my childish efforts to do the impossible. It’s a happy, loving memory.

1952 - I'm the baby in my mom's arms.

My mother was 25 when she had me, the second of her five children. She was the family photographer in those early years so there are few pictures of her, but lots of her children, of whom she was very proud. She liked us to always look our best, and she took great pains in choosing our clothes. I remember sitting in front of her, watching the Lawrence Welk show on Saturday nights, while she put my straight hair into pin curls. Once she cut my bangs while standing behind me and looking in the mirror – not a successful technique!

When I was ten my parents fulfilled a life-long dream of tearing down their old farmhouse and erecting a new sprawling ranch style home. For the rest of her life that house was my mom’s pride and joy. She seemed to always have a decorating project on the go and it was not unusual to come in from school to find her painting the woodwork or the inside of a closet. I learned to hang wallpaper at an early age. She was an unimaginative cook but an excellent housekeeper. She loved to buy beautiful things for her home.

1965 - I'm 14 and Mom is 39

As a teenager, I don’t remember ever fighting with my mother. I thought she was clever and pretty and smart, which she was. When I took Latin in grade 10 I learned the expression “nulli secundus”, which means “second to none.” I told mom that’s what she was, and she had that name embossed on her Bible. She encouraged me to develop a taste for hot tea, so I could participate in adult social events. Maybe it was her English roots, but she called tea "strengthening medicine" - something that would help you through life's tough times. I have found this to be so true.
She took an enormous interest in the education of all her children. Between grades 4 to 12 I won many speaking contests, partly because my mom wrote my speeches and she was an amazing communicator. She saw to it that we each took piano lessons for at least two years. She wasn’t a typical farm wife, never did barn chores or drove tractor. But she was resourceful and not afraid of hard work. One summer she grew several acres of cucumbers to make extra money for some family needs. She hired her kids as pickers.

1977 - Mom is 51, I'm 26

Marriage and children opened a new aspect of my relationship with mom. I finally understood and appreciated the sacrifices she made for her family. When I had my first baby, mom came every day for the first three weeks. Her presence was so psychologically reassuring, I don’t know how I would have coped without her.

1979 - bathing Rachel

In 1979 I moved away from Ontario to Vancouver with my husband and baby girl. For the next 31 years my relationship with mom always involved a long distance phone call or an airplane ride. Whenever I came “home”, she had plans of things to do together. Usually there was a tea room, a restaurant, or a gift shop that she wanted to share with me. She was always interested in my life and would listen to all the details of what I was doing. We laughed often together.
Like any relationship that lasts for years, mom and I disappointed and hurt each other over various things. She never held my mistakes against me and I forgave her hers.

1993 - Mom is 67 and I'm 42

My mother had a finely tuned sense of the “fitness of things” – things that should be done, said or worn to be appropriate. She never left the house wearing curlers. She sent thank you notes without fail. She was a good, caring neighbor. It seemed to me that when she met someone, she would strive to be memorable. She would look people right in the eye and say something a little out of the ordinary. My mom never cared to follow fashion, she wore what she liked. She was a little eccentric in her taste in clothes, shoes and hats. Pink was her favorite color for clothes, wallpaper, and roses. Many of these particular things about mom have rubbed off on me!

2002 - I'm 51 and Mom is 76

In the late 1990’s mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, and together we began a journey of “the long good-bye.” Slowly her forgetfulness, her confusion, obsessions and paranoia grew. During that time there were important events in my life that mom missed – the weddings of my three children, the births of grandchildren, and my completion of a Masters degree. How she would have celebrated all those milestones! Finally came the day I dreaded, when I arrived at the airport and she didn’t know who I was.

2009 - Mom is 83 and I am 58

This is the last picture I have of mom and me, taken in November 2009. On that trip, when I went to say good-bye, mom was in bed. I tucked the blankets around her. She said clearly, “thanks for all that you have done.” She almost sounded like her old self. I thanked her for being such a good mom and said a prayer for her.
On January 23, 2010 mom suffered a mild stroke and was hospitalized. Her quality of life plummeted. After about ten weeks, her systems began shutting down and she passed away at the age of 83 on Easter Sunday, April 4th 2010, holding my father’s hand. They had been married 63 years and one day. Mom once told me that she tried to live her life to please Jesus. On Easter Sunday I think He took her hand and lifted her out of the hospital bed and led her into eternity with Him. There is a Day coming when all that has been marred by sin and death and disease will be restored-only better. I'll be looking for mom on that day!